When I have moments in my days that I can just think (i.e. I'm home alone, driving in the car without music playing or taking a shower) I often think of ways to be successful in my relationships. I know my marriage failed for a number of reasons (one really big glaring one...but we won't go there), but I often wonder if there were things I could have done differently, more/less of, or if I could have really made a difference at all. Because of these thoughts I started looking online (I know, the internet is like a bathroom wall - anyone can post there...hey, I'm here posting...LOL) for tips for making relationships successful. What I've found is something I already knew...love isn't a one way street. Both adults (please make note of this word ADULTS) need to be willing participants in the relationship.
There are lots of tips and advice on making your relationships successful out there, so I'm only going to mention a couple of them here. I know I'm not alone in wanting to be one of those "disgustingly happy" couples, so I hope that this info will help someone as well who may be struggling in a relationship that they want to preserve.
There are lots of tips and advice on making your relationships successful out there, so I'm only going to mention a couple of them here. I know I'm not alone in wanting to be one of those "disgustingly happy" couples, so I hope that this info will help someone as well who may be struggling in a relationship that they want to preserve.
As I mentioned in a previous post, I'm a hopeless romantic. I love to show love and affection. I know there are tons of ways to show it and knowing how your partner likes to be loved is part of the formula. One resource in particular is "The 5 Love Languages" (there is a book and also this great website: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/). I find this interesting because not everyone shows love/affection the same way or wants to receive it in the same way. Part of being a willing participant in a relationship is knowing what makes your partner happy and doing those things/showing it in their way is important. I took the quiz on the website and my primary love language is Physical Touch (this is not shocking news to me - I'm a hugger, kisser, and a firm believer in a good game of grab ass). There are quizzes for all phases of your life: single, wife, husband, parents, children. You can even identify your Apology Language (and the same for your partner). I took this quiz as well, because if you are going to be in a relationship, more than likely there is going to be a disagreement (or two or three or ten) and apologizing is part of being an adult and function within the relationship. My apology language is Accepting Responsibility (in that the way I want to be apologized to is for the other person to accept responsibility).
I highly recommend this site and book. I actually discovered I have a close second love language, Receiving Gifts. Now, please don’t mistake this for materialism; I thrive on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gifts. Learning how to apply this information to my relationships (intimate/family/friends) and how I can help those relationships be successful by being aware of my love and apology languages is a new added resolution for this year.
I highly recommend this site and book. I actually discovered I have a close second love language, Receiving Gifts. Now, please don’t mistake this for materialism; I thrive on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gifts. Learning how to apply this information to my relationships (intimate/family/friends) and how I can help those relationships be successful by being aware of my love and apology languages is a new added resolution for this year.
One of the other things I came across in my research is a list of "75 Ways to Show Love". I think that knowing your love language (and the love language of your partner) and being aware of many items on this list, you have a pretty damn good recipe for a happy and successful relationship. I love so many of the things on this list and you'll hopefully see that so many of them are FREE!
1. A kiss on the forehead
2. Uninterrupted quality time
3. A note under the pillow
4. Tell him when he looks masculine, sexy, or hot
5. Turn a regular day into an All-About-You day just for your mate
6. Breakfast served in bed
7. A romantic picnic indoors
8. An unexpected dinner cruise
9. Propose marriage on one knee
10. Don’t complain when he leaves the toilet seat up
11. A rose on the pillow
12. Tell her she’s beautiful
13. Pour on the chivalry (open doors, pull her chair out)
14. A bubble bath with rose petals and her favorite scented candles
15. Verbalize what your relationship means to you
16. Surprise her with her favorite flowers and candy
17. An “I love you because…” list
18. PDA (public displays of affection)
19. Heart shaped pancakes or cookies
20. A walk in the park together
21. Hold your beloved a little tighter and longer than usual
22. Do some of his/her chores
23. A handwritten card sprayed with your scent
24. Spoil each other
25. Renew your marriage vows
26. Be first to say “I’m sorry” after an argument
27. Personalize (i.e. engrave) gifts
28. Place an “I love you” flyer under the car’s windshield wiper
29. Send a surprise gift to his/her workplace
30. Support each others dreams
31. Make love slowly, passionately
32. Run his bath water
33. Give your spouse space when needed
34. Buy her feminine hygiene products (before she asks)
35. Bring him a cold beer while he watches football
36. Put a love note in her purse
37. Hold hands
38. Take showers together and wash each others back (or whole body)
39. Look deeply into your lover’s eyes
40. Always kiss goodbye and goodnight
41. Boast about your mate and your relationship to mutual friends
42. Arrange for a babysitter so you can have an unexpected date night
43. Say how much you love each other even if you think it’s known
44. Use cute pet names for each other
45. Rub your noses together
46. Remember to say thank you (often)
47. Excuse each others mistakes
48. Meditate together
49. Sleep in his t-shirt
50. Wash her hair
51. Step outside of traditional gender roles to help each other (Cook dinner for her; take the trash out for him)
52. Verbally reassure your lover
53. Take photographs as a couple
54. Give up the last piece of food on your plate
55. Write a short fairy tale using you and your mate as the characters (Once upon a time…”)
56. Listen more intently
57. Flirt with each other
58. Sing your significant other a love song
59. Get up early to help him/her get ready for work
60. Say “I adore you”
61. Watch a chic flick with her
62. Kiss your mate somewhere you never thought to kiss before (i.e. elbow, knee, toe)
63. Initiate affection (hugs, kisses, spooning)
64. Take good care of yourself so that you’re at your best for the one you love
65. A handmade gift or card
66. Write a sweet message on a fogged-up mirror so he/she will see it after exiting the shower
67. Cook your significant others' favorite meal
68. Feed each other chocolate covered strawberries
69. Cuddle by the fireplace
70. Laugh and have fun with each other
71. Rub his/her feet
72. Create a scrapbook together
73. Start a hobby together
74. Dance indoors to your favorite song
75. Ask about each others day
XO,
T
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