Dating 101 & Kissing Frogs

Let me start by saying, if anyone reading this is offended by the fact that I'm dating and not yet technically divorced, please put your blinders back on and stop reading now. No offense will be taken.

But, if you find humor in other peoples epicfails...keep on reading! ;)

First off, I never really dated, so this is my first voyage into that world. I met my ex in college when I was 18 (yup, 18 - epicfail #1). He was all of the things that were the opposite of what I thought people expected me to look for in a guy - so of course I was immediately smitten.  Well, smitten turned to love and love turned to marriage (for the sake of time, we won't rehash the rest from there, but as you know 14 years later it didn't turn out so great).

What I'm finding is that dating is interesting. It's interesting on a number of levels. I think the most interesting thing about it is how different it is in our 30's than it was in our 20's and the thing that makes it so different is technology. Anyone under the age of 28 reading this, I'm certain you can't relate, but when I was in my first year of college, we didn't have cell phones. GASP! There was no texting or even Facebook to keep in touch. We had to call a home phone, if that person wasn't there you had to leave a message either with a roommate or on an answering machine. You then more than likely had to wait ALL DAY for a return call.  It was just how it was and the crazy internal dialog didn't really happen because instant gratification of communication wasn't a "norm".

These days, if you send a text and you don't hear back within 15-20 minutes, panic ensues and the internal dialog goes something a bit like this:

"Did he get it?"

"Did I say something wrong?"

"Why isn't he answering me?"

"Maybe he seeing someone else!"

"Is he seeing someone else?"

"Is he avoiding me?"

"Did I do something wrong?"

"Am I too pushy?"

"Do I seem needy?"

...and so on and so on.

This internal dialog doesn't seem to go away. It becomes less intense as I've dated, but it's still there. Learning to accept that I'm AWESOME and someone will want to be with me is still something I'm working on and I'm getting better at it.**

When I made the decision to start dating I thought "How in the HELL am I supposed to meet anyone?!?! I don't go out, I'm a single full-time working mom." So, as many Americans are doing these days, I turned to online dating. It's not as bad as I thought it was going to be, but it has added to my 'Dating is Interesting' statement from earlier. It's fun, but exhausting. Very exhausting!

I was out to dinner with a friend from college recently and I explained online dating to her is like online shopping. You get to preview your purchases (aka: matches) before you buy (aka: start communicating). You get to try them out (aka: go on a date or two) before you decide to keep them (aka: start dating). If they pinch in the toe a bit (aka: are any of the following types of guys - see below), you send them back and try again!

In my experience so far, it's mostly been a long string of guys that earned themselves nicknames and taught me what I do/don't want. The reason for this is that there was just "something" about each one that sent up those red flags that I knew they weren't going to stick around for long. Here are some of the epicfails I've had since starting to date:

The "Fred Durst" Saint

The "I have 2 kids, but just found out about a set of twins I fathered" Guy

The Architect

The Do-gooder Superhero

The Tastebud Tester

The Tractor Wine Tasting Guy

The Liar

The Marine
The "I'm actually getting back together with my girlfriend 24 hours after telling you I want to get with you" Guy

The Hood River Creeper

There are a number of one-dater's in there that just didn't even get a chance to earn a nickname, they came and went just that quickly. I think you can now see how this can become exhausting. Each of these guys come with a great story of their own, but I'd be writing a book if I went into details on each one.

If there's a lesson to be learned from all of this...don't give up! You have to kiss a LOT of frogs ladies and gents. There are far more "nickname" types out there than keepers. But don't give up!  Learn and live through me for a while if you need to before you get out there and kiss those frogs, but get out there.  Life is too short to settle for being alone. We are all damaged/broken/scared in one way or another. We can either live in those fears and regrets or we can wipe the slate clean and find our happily ever after!

Cheers!

T

**I can happily report that I've met an AMAZING guy. J and I met online in early October and it's been wonderful! We're taking it slow and it's great. He's awesome and makes me smile daily! :D