Being Bigger is Exhausting!

Alright folks...get your minds out of the gutter! ;)

In life, I've generally always taken the high road, bit my tongue and been the bigger person. It's served me well.  I've felt that if you give someone enough rope, they'll hang themselves...no dirty work needed. ;) I usually feel better knowing that I didn't stoop to their level, simply let it go and let karma do the rest. But let me just say this, being the bigger person is utterly EXHAUSTING!

I was faced with this challenge yesterday and sadly, I let myself sink to that level. I was tired of not responding, I was tired of stuffing my feelings about the issue and I was certainly tired of eating my emotions (I've been doing extra running just to counter act the eating of my emotions lately). I have feelings, opinions and right to voice them - I wanted my feelings to be heard, although I'm sure they fell on deaf ears, but damn it felt good!!

The worst part of all of this is now the regret I feel for having let loose with the emotional tidal wave.  I should have kept my mouth shut. I don't know what ripple effect my wave caused on the other end, but I hope and pray it didn't seep out onto my son.  As I sit here riddled with guilt that I might have caused a backlash, I Googled some advice.  This what I found:

"If we are divorced with children, we will be in some sort of a relationship with our ex’s forever. To that end, we must do whatever we can to create a relationship that will nurture and support our children. We must learn to let go of grudges that get in the way of co-parenting. A toxic relationship leaks all over the place. Our children are incredibly perceptive. They know what is going on between the two of you even if you do your best to hide it. ...You may not see the rewards of your sacrifices today or even in the next few years but they will come sooner or later. Usually later. If you think that you have made some mistakes, clean up the mess. Let your kids know that you have learned a great deal and are the wiser for it today. They will come to know in their own time that life does not always go as planned and our experiences hold hidden treasures." 

Good advice, easier said than done.

So I made a mess yesterday with my emotional outburst. Now I have to clean this up, find a new common and civil ground and attempt to move forward again...as the bigger person. I just hope not literally a BIGGER person if I keep eating my emotions to remain the "bigger person."