The Me of a Year Ago...

First off, I want to welcome you to the new "look" of my blog. I was feeling like I needed something new and fresh...this is what I've landed on (for now). I hope you like it! :)

I was reading over some old FB statuses from last summer (and beyond) and I was truly struck with how far I've come (and X too) in a years time. I was transported back to the feelings of utter saddness, defeat, anger, disappointment and fear. Fear was one of the biggest emotions I remember from last year. I didn't fear getting through what I knew would be one of the hardest years of my life to date because I have an AMAZING support system. I knew I'd have a million shoulders to cry on, a million arms to pick me up & dust me off and a million homes open to us for hiding when we needed to hide away for a bit.

What I remember is I had a bigger fear of finding happiness again. The me of a year ago couldn't even fathom being truly happy again. Couldn't even fathom finding somone that would put his shoulder to the world along side of mine and soilder through it with me. I saw a broken and sad woman facing me in the mirror. I barely ate, rarely slept and drowned it all (or tried to numb it all) away.

But what I've learned...that all fades. The anger turns to forgiveness, the saddness turns to rememberance, the defeat turns to courage and the hurt just fades. I've learned many things about myself and what I want for me from this experience. I've become a more patient mother/friend/sister/daughter. I've also learned to laugh a whole lot more and not take life too serious...it can change in the blink of an eye (or the split second of a text). I've also learned that in order to find that happiness again, you have to open up and let it in. Staying afraid to feel the hurt again will never allow it to fade...staying afraid let's the fear win.

I know I have more fear to put aside, and as the months pass those fears continue to fade. I turn to my support system every step of the way and stand shoulder to shoulder with an amazing man [Hi babe!] who is willing to go the distance with me and X...all of us finding happiness in that journey. I'm not sure how I can ever truly express to my support system how much they've pulled me from the deep, dark valleys. I only hope that I can pay it forward in some way, some day to somone who needs it more than I did.

I have been fortunate in my situation, although I know I have more battles to wage in this war, but I want those who are still hurting, angry, sad and affraid to know...hold on. Hold on with every thread of your being. There will be a day when you can look back on your last year and be proud of where you are today...whenever today is for you.

XOXO,
T

My Son, I Want You to Know...

I've discovered through my Pinterest habit (it's totally under control, I promise) that there are lots of mothers out there that want to leave more than a 1/2 finished baby album behind for their children. I'm definitely one of those moms (1/2 finished baby album and all)!

I've come across other blogs that moms have written that have wonderfully heartfelt messages to their sons (and daughters). I wanted to create my own for X so that one day, I can print it out and include it in his baby (hopefully complete) album.  Here is my list and even if you don't write your list via a blog, I encourage you to write it. It's terribly emotional, but forces you to REALLY look at your children for who they are today, who you see them as in the future and the person you hope the world will see them as. {Tissue warning}

My son, I want you to know...

#1 I will always LOVE you...no matter what. I might not like you at times, but you will always be loved fully and unconditionally by me. You are a giant piece of my heart walking around in the world!

#2 Tell the truth. The truth may hurt, but nothing hurts more than knowing someone wasn't worthy of the truth. Plus, I'll be madder if I ever find out you've lied (and the punishment is more harsh - I promise).

#3 Be true to yourself. Be who you are because who you are is amazing! It's scary to be yourself, truly yourself, but take that fear and turn it into strength and amaze the world!

#4 Always use your manners. There are few things that are more attractive than a man with impeccable manners.

#5 Rules are rules.* They are there to keep you from killing yourself (and me from killing you) and to keep order in the world. There are limits that can be pushed, but keep on the legal side of the limits.



#6 The world is your oyster. You are capable of anything! Seek adventure. Your spirit is bright and wild. Follow that, see the world and explore new and wonderful lands!

#7 We are all human. It's easy to judge people based on the way they look on the outside, but we all have lives within that we protect and keep private. You are a sensitive soul, use that to be kind and accepting of people.

#8 Share your heart. Be open and real with your emotions. You have an enormous heart and love like no other. All emotions are valid, so it's OK to be mad, angry, happy, sad and to cry - even if you are a "guy".

#9 Your body is a temple. Get your exercise, eat right, enjoy pushing yourself to limits you didn't think you could achieve. HOWEVER, remember: ink and holes are permanent, your privates are private, pull your pants up and replacing your teeth is expensive. Play smart!

#10 I'm NOT your friend. I'm your mom. It's my job to teach you right from wrong. To teach you to be respectful and use your manners. To punish you when you've broken the rules and to teach you there are consequences to your actions. But I do all of this out of love for you!

#11 Money doesn't solve problems, but it can help. Be responsible with your money. Learn to take care of your responsibilities in life first. Take care of your family and provide for them. Please...work to live, not live to work.

#12 Never keep a lady (or anyone for that matter) waiting. If you are on time, you're late! Respect the time of others and they will in turn respect yours.

#13 Keep your word. Integrity is, above all, everything. Do what you say and say what you do. An honorable man is nothing to be ashamed of and it will earn you far more respect than trying to have "swag".

#14 Get an education. It doesn't have to be a formal education, but learn and NEVER stop learning. Your potential is limitless if you seek knowledge (and use it wisely)!

#15 Say I'm sorry (and mean it when you are apologizing). It's not a sign of weakness to apologize, you are not any less of a man if you do. If anything, it will get you much farther than not.

#16 Know when to be selfish. Putting others first is a trait that is admirable, but so is knowing when you need to take care of you.

#17 Violence doesn't solve anything. Hitting is NEVER EVER EVER OK, especially women. But please defend yourself - don't be a punching bag for someone else. Don't be a bully. Stand up for the little guys.

#18 Be grateful. One day you may not have much, be grateful for what you DO have. Seeking happiness in "things" will only make you lonely in a house full of stuff. 

#19 Listen to your intuition. It's more than "just a feeling". It's part of who you are, to keep you safe and out of harms way (whether harm be physical, mental or emotional).

#20 Be handy. Learn to use tools, what they're called and which is best for the job. It will be a skill and asset you'll never wish you didn't know. And don't ever complain when you are asked to help!

#21 Religion is personal. Choose what is right for you. No one can tell you what you believe is right or wrong. You also have every right to change the way you view your religion and faith whenever you should so choose.

#22 Treat women like princesses. Telling a woman they are beautiful everyday (even on their worst days) will take you farther than any gift ever will (although thoughtful gifts - purchased or homemade - can't hurt)!

#23 Laughter is healing. You are funny and witty! You can hold a crowd on a single word. Be proud of your ability to make others laugh - it's a talent few people have.

#24 A broken heart isn't the end. Someday someone will break your heart. It will feel like the world has stopped rotating and your walls are crashing in.  It's temporary, I promise. Take the time you need to heal. When that is over, pick yourself up and solider on. There are greater loves to be had awaiting you!

#25 You'll ALWAYS have a place with me. I know that times can get hard and we need a safe place to go to work out life. No matter what hand life deals you, you'll always have a safe place to be. I'll listen without talking, I'll never judge and I'll be there to dry your tears and remind you how much you are loved.

Always, 
Mom

*This is clearly a "do as I say, not as I do" item. Many of you know I'm NOT the best rule follower! :)

Just Call Me Carrie

I basically grew up with Sex and The City, the first season aired in 1998 and in 1998 I was 21.  Ok, "grew up" isn't quite right, let's say "matured" with it. :) The show was edgy, sexy, risky, fashionable, trendy and as I'm learning now in my 30's...relateable.  I loved the show in my 20's! I wouldn't miss an episode...my girlfriends and I would huddle around our TV's just to soak it up every Sunday night. I always fantasized that is how my life would be after college...living in a big city, surrounded by close girlfriends, drinking cosmos and falling in and out of relationships - seeking my own "Mr. Big".

Obviously, my life didn't quite turn out that way. Or did it? ;)

As I curled up on the couch recently with my coffee and my laptop pondering my next blog post, I saw SATC was on TV. Now, the TV version doesn't hold a candle to the HBO version, but I just have to watch whenever it's on.  I was thrilled to see that I caught the beginning of a 4 episode run. Sitting on the couch, becoming engrossed in the first episode, I found my chest getting tight, my blood pressure rising and I could hear my own heartbeat in my ears. OMG! Am I having a heart attack!?!?  No, not a heart attack, but a full blown physical response to how strongly I was relating to the show.

I took a step back for a moment and reflected on my life currently...I'm in my 30's, living in a city (not big, but it will do), surrounded by close girlfriends, drinking wine (sorta our thing here in Pinot country) and falling in and out of relationships - maybe even found my own "Mr. Big" [Hey baby!] (or Harry or Smith or Steve).

The men that the women of SATC have relationships with are also very relateable. I don't think I could say I'd pick one of the men over the other, but would want someone who embodies many characteristics of each [..and I think I have!]

While the final episode was wrapping up, I found myself relating to each of the characters in some way. I wouldn't say I'm one character more than another, I'm bits and pieces of each rolled into one.

Charlotte: Traditional, romantic and straightforward about relationships

Samantha: Proud, confident and highly sexual woman

Miranda: Type A, career-minded and voice of reason

Carrie: Led by emotions, seeks acceptance, selfish and a writer

I think all women have a bit of these characters in them and each one warrants appropriate times to be channeled and used in life. I am thankful to SATC for giving me a show that will be timeless and relevant in my life. I truly do love how relateable it is right now. I am going to need to get all the seasons from my sister again and just dive back into it!

XOXO,

T

Caution! Detour Ahead.

There's this quote I stumbled across recently online (Pinterest, I'm quite sure...again, hello, my name is Tara and I'm an Pinterest addict) and it went something like this: 

"When you are comparing your life to the lives of others, you have to remember, you are comparing your back stage to their on stage."

As I read it, I'm pretty sure I had a physical, guttural reaction. It spoke to me in a way that literally made me stop in my track and think.  We all put on a brilliant "act" for public consumption and viewing. We don't get to see the trials and tribulations of those around us because they are scared just as shitless as I am to let anyone know what they are really going through. I don't know if it's fear of failure, fear of seeming out of control, or something else entirely; but I do know that we all have stuff going on in our lives that only we can see, yet we continue to hold it up to what we think is comparable in the lives of those around. It's crazy, really it is.

As I've been going about my life lately, which in all honestly hasn't been that bad, thanks to a number of people in it, I still find myself thinking, "My life is a mess! I don't know what I'm doing, what a wreck! I don't blame anyone for running. As a matter of fact, there is a 'get out of jail free card' at the ready if/when this is just too much to handle, isn't what they've signed on for or can't be around the circus any longer. Feel free to run at any time." 

I shared this sentiment with a very dear friend of mine the other night and she called me on it. She said (in a nutshell), "Wrong and shame on you! You are amazing and anyone that gets to share their life with you is a lucky person. If you keep telling them that, you are keeping them at an arms distance and not letting them in. They will run, even if you don't want them to, because you haven't let them in. Do you want them to run?" Well, no, of course not! I don't want them to go anywhere. But everyday I wake up, I seem to want something different. One thing I want that never changes, is to be the best mom I can be for X. So I pull up my big girl panties, wipe my nose and solider on...being mom. :)

I suppose as a single mom dealing with a pretty crappy situation and trying to make the best of it, I feel like I walk around with a neon, blinking sign over my head that reads:

"CAUTION! DISASTER! MERGE LEFT! DETOUR AHEAD! AVOID FALLING ROCKS! ABRUPT LANE EDGE! DEAD END! DO NOT ENTER!"

This is my "back stage." I know that the ones I love and love me don't see this. It's hard to put aside these insecurities, open up and let happiness and love flow in. 

I know that all that I'm going through is only the tip of the iceberg. I know that there is always going to be a constant "ABRUPT TURN" sign over my head (in my mind) considering who I have to deal with for the rest of my life. But, every moment is worth it. Worth it because I know there is an end in sight and a bright future waiting for me...if I'll allow it. 

Lots of love!

T

Not a One Way Street

When I have moments in my days that I can just think (i.e. I'm home alone, driving in the car without music playing or taking a shower) I often think of ways to be successful in my relationships.  I know my marriage failed for a number of reasons (one really big glaring one...but we won't go there), but I often wonder if there were things I could have done differently, more/less of, or if I could have really made a difference at all.  Because of these thoughts I started looking online (I know, the internet is like a bathroom wall - anyone can post there...hey, I'm here posting...LOL) for tips for making relationships successful.  What I've found is something I already knew...love isn't a one way street. Both adults (please make note of this word ADULTS) need to be willing participants in the relationship. 

There are lots of tips and advice on making your relationships successful out there, so I'm only going to mention a couple of them here. I know I'm not alone in wanting to be one of those "disgustingly happy" couples, so I hope that this info will help someone as well who may be struggling in a relationship that they want to preserve.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I'm a hopeless romantic. I love to show love and affection. I know there are tons of ways to show it and knowing how your partner likes to be loved is part of the formula.  One resource in particular is "The 5 Love Languages" (there is a book and also this great website: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/). I find this interesting because not everyone shows love/affection the same way or wants to receive it in the same way. Part of being a willing participant in a relationship is knowing what makes your partner happy and doing those things/showing it in their way is important. I took the quiz on the website and my primary love language is Physical Touch (this is not shocking news to me - I'm a hugger, kisser, and a firm believer in a good game of grab ass). There are quizzes for all phases of your life: single, wife, husband, parents, children. You can even identify your Apology Language (and the same for your partner). I took this quiz as well, because if you are going to be in a relationship, more than likely there is going to be a disagreement (or two or three or ten) and apologizing is part of being an adult and function within the relationship. My apology language is Accepting Responsibility (in that the way I want to be apologized to is for the other person to accept responsibility).

I highly recommend this site and book. I actually discovered I have a close second love language, Receiving Gifts. Now, please don’t mistake this for materialism; I thrive on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gifts. Learning how to apply this information to my relationships (intimate/family/friends) and how I can help those relationships be successful by being aware of my love and apology languages is a new added resolution for this year.

One of the other things I came across in my research is a list of "75 Ways to Show Love". I think that knowing your love language (and the love language of your partner) and being aware of many items on this list, you have a pretty damn good recipe for a happy and successful relationship. I love so many of the things on this list and you'll hopefully see that so many of them are FREE!

1. A kiss on the forehead

2. Uninterrupted quality time

3. A note under the pillow

4. Tell him when he looks masculine, sexy, or hot

5. Turn a regular day into an All-About-You day just for your mate

6. Breakfast served in bed

7. A romantic picnic indoors

8. An unexpected dinner cruise

9. Propose marriage on one knee

10. Don’t complain when he leaves the toilet seat up

11. A rose on the pillow

12. Tell her she’s beautiful

13. Pour on the chivalry (open doors, pull her chair out)

14. A bubble bath with rose petals and her favorite scented candles

15. Verbalize what your relationship means to you

16. Surprise her with her favorite flowers and candy

17. An “I love you because…” list

18. PDA (public displays of affection)

19. Heart shaped pancakes or cookies

20. A walk in the park together

21. Hold your beloved a little tighter and longer than usual

22. Do some of his/her chores

23. A handwritten card sprayed with your scent

24. Spoil each other

25. Renew your marriage vows

26. Be first to say “I’m sorry” after an argument

27. Personalize (i.e. engrave) gifts

28. Place an “I love you” flyer under the car’s windshield wiper

29. Send a surprise gift to his/her workplace

30. Support each others dreams

31. Make love slowly, passionately

32. Run his bath water

33. Give your spouse space when needed

34. Buy her feminine hygiene products (before she asks)

35. Bring him a cold beer while he watches football

36. Put a love note in her purse

37. Hold hands

38. Take showers together and wash each others back (or whole body)

39. Look deeply into your lover’s eyes

40. Always kiss goodbye and goodnight

41. Boast about your mate and your relationship to mutual friends

42. Arrange for a babysitter so you can have an unexpected date night

43. Say how much you love each other even if you think it’s known

44. Use cute pet names for each other

45. Rub your noses together

46. Remember to say thank you (often)

47. Excuse each others mistakes

48. Meditate together

49. Sleep in his t-shirt

50. Wash her hair

51. Step outside of traditional gender roles to help each other (Cook dinner for her; take the trash out for him)

52. Verbally reassure your lover

53. Take photographs as a couple

54. Give up the last piece of food on your plate

55. Write a short fairy tale using you and your mate as the characters (Once upon a time…”)

56. Listen more intently

57. Flirt with each other

58. Sing your significant other a love song

59. Get up early to help him/her get ready for work

60. Say “I adore you”

61. Watch a chic flick with her

62. Kiss your mate somewhere you never thought to kiss before (i.e. elbow, knee, toe)

63. Initiate affection (hugs, kisses, spooning)

64. Take good care of yourself so that you’re at your best for the one you love

65. A handmade gift or card

66. Write a sweet message on a fogged-up mirror so he/she will see it after exiting the shower

67. Cook your significant others' favorite meal

68. Feed each other chocolate covered strawberries

69. Cuddle by the fireplace

70. Laugh and have fun with each other

71. Rub his/her feet

72. Create a scrapbook together

73. Start a hobby together

74. Dance indoors to your favorite song

75. Ask about each others day

XO,

T

SOA & Born to Raise a Boy

This post requires a bit of an intro, so please bear with me (but I'm sure if you are a return reader, you know I don't really get to the point quickly - and for that I'm sorry). LOL!! :)

Let me first start by saying this...if you haven't seen the TV show Sons of Anarchy I STRONGLY urge you to stop what you are doing (well of course after you finish reading this amazing blog entry) and subject yourself to the show ASAP! When I first heard about the show from J he was telling me about "Outlaw Tuesdays" and this show SOA. Guns, drugs, sex, violence, power-struggle, betrayal, family loyalty and motorcycle gangs. :| I thought, "Um, seriously!? Why would I want to watch a show like that?!? I'm a Sex and the City kind of gal."  But because it was early on when J and I were still just getting to know each other, I humored him and told him I'd watch an episode with him. [You're right babe - one of the best shows ever!]. We turned on OnDemand and watched an episode, I believe it was smack-dab in the middle of Season 4. I was lost and confused, but admittedly curious to see more. J hooked me up with NetFlix so I could start from Season 1. Immediately hooked is an understatement. I'm pretty sure I watched almost ALL of Season 1 in one sitting. I was up until the wee hours of the morning just to see what happens next (and this is exactly why I don't read to fall asleep - doesn't work). From a critic point of view, it has excellent acting, writing, great story line, superior cast, suspense and drama to keep you coming back for more.  From a female point of view - O.M.G. ...eye-candy galore!! It's sexy, dirty and sort of makes you feel wrong for watching, but like a train wreck...you can't look away...I love it!


J and I just finished catching up on Season 3, and (now please bear with me) there was a scene of the main character making out with - what he doesn't know is - his half sister. Well, both the moms walk in and catch them, walk out and decide they need to tell them they are related.  The scene cuts to the girl and her mom. The girl is shocked, crying and, being a girl myself I know, she was filling her mind with all the "what if's", "how could you's" and "what will everyone think's". She's crying and wanting to know why?  The scene cuts again to the guy and his mom and it's this hilarious moment of "dang mom, I almost did it with my sister!" He's kinda giggling and they share this funny mother/son moment. As I sat on the couch watching these two scenes I thought to myself, "This is exactly why I am thankful I'm raising a boy. I don't think I could deal with that other situation." Wrong, I know. Again, just how I'm wired. ;)

I knew from the moment I started thinking about having children I hoped I would have a boy. Now, don't get me wrong, I think just about every woman wants to have a little girl so you can do the cute hair, tu-tu's, dresses, shoes - all that girlie stuff (don't lie to yourselves ladies...you know you do... and that OK...I still do on some level). I would think about what it would be like to raise a version of ME and to try to help a girl get through all of what life holds as a girl and I knew there was NO WAY I'd be able to succeed at that.  When I found out I was having a boy, I was so relieved. Now, there was (and still are) moments of panic..."I don't know what to do with a boy! I don't want to raise a ninny! I don't know much about boy stuff! Am I doing this right?" But as the days/weeks/months/years pass, I learn new stuff about raising a boy daily. I'm becoming a master of Transformers, knowledgeable in all things dinosaurs, learning to cook/clean/go to the bathroom while dodging Nerf bullets and trying not to question what substance is on his hands - just insist he washes them, brushes his teeth, flushes the toilet and don't run with your pants around your ankles.

I think the Universe/God/Fate (you pick one, or add your own depending on your beliefs) knows what you are cut out to do and will give you just that. I believe I was born to raise a boy. 


I always say, "Everyday I don't kill him or let him kill himself is a successful day as a parent!"


Salud,
T

SOPA & PIPA (No, not the yummy fried dessert at Mexican Resturants)

IMPORTANT - Please read!

I feel this is a good forum to post this information as these bills will affect those of use who blog and use the Internet for personal and business use. After this post, my blog will be silent during this protest as well as my Facebook page, my Pinterest activity and finally my Pandora radio. These are all the ways I use the Internet in my personal life - all of which will be affected by these bills.

On Jan 24th, Congress will vote to pass internet censorship in the Senate, even though the vast majority of Americans are opposed. We need to kill the bill - PIPA in the Senate and SOPA in the House - to protect our rights to free speech, privacy, and prosperity. 

You can make your voice heard in a number of ways, here are some links to websites that are circulating online petitions for these bills: 

http://sopastrike.com/strike/
https://www.google.com/landing/takeaction/

You can also email your local congressperson and voice your concern with them directly as well.  You can locate your local congressperson via this website too (can you now see how important the Internet is in our lives):

http://house.gov/htbin/findrep

I hope you all will join me - you found me on the Internet, I'm sure you use it daily. Don't let your right to a free and open Internet be taken from you.

Cheers!

T

Pinterest-mantic

About a month ago, I was introduced to Pinterest.  At first I was like, "Whatever, just another place like Etsy to see all the cute crafty people doing cute craft things. I'm not crafty, I'm not interested." Just like with anything else I've poo-pooed, I began to get curiouser and curiouser about this website (that's how my FB habit was formed).  So one day I typed the infamous URL into my browser and a new addict was born!

Now let me say this...I've actually used 5 recipes from Pinterest to date, so it really is useful. However, the hours I've wasted to find those recipes and all the other stuff on there...not so useful, but totally addicting (and of course it's NEVER {wink wink} been on work time)! It's like a virtual scrapbook/idea book/cookbook. There is even an app for your mobile devices! You can "pin" just about anything: recipes, home decor ideas, crafts, nail polish, quotes, wedding ideas, baby stuff, design, art, music, videos, fitness, home/office organization ideas, DIY tips/tricks, etc., etc.! I think you sort of get the picture, but you'll never fully understand how awesome it is until you try it. Spoken like a true addict! ;)

--> Start digression here <--

I'm a hopeless romantic.  I LOVE love and I LOVE all things that show/express love. I'm certain I'm not alone here as I think many women in general are romantics (I blame Hollywood and all the sappy movies we get blasted with). Showing/expressing love and/or being romantic doesn't have to be an expensive endeavor (although I'd be a fool and a liar if I said flowers, gifts and jewelry aren't important - just not always necessary or the only way to be romantic/show love). Leaving post-its with sweet notes for each other, "thinking of you" texts during the day, calling just to say "HI!", making dinner, warming up my car on a cold day, picking up a card that says how you feel and thinking of me/my needs in the same thought as your own.  By the way, for my male readers (if I even have any), you earn "action" points for all of this. So if you want to ensure a little bedroom mambo, drop a few of these on your special lady and I can just about 100% guarantee it will happen! You're Welcome! :)


--> End digression <--


-->Start point of this post <--

The one thing I've found oddly fascinating about Pinterest is all the "wedding" boards ladies out there are making. They are pinning wedding dresses, engagement rings, flowers, centerpieces, invitations, hair ideas, bridesmaid dresses, etc., etc. and many of these women are not even engaged or in a relationship for that matter. At first I was like, "WTF!?! You are planning a wedding already?! Jeez, I feel for that poor guy when you meet him." I found myself sitting and shaking my head in full shock and judgement.  I know you might think...I have this reaction because I'm jaded about marriage/weddings given my current life events, but I'm really not. I still fully believe in marriage and would love to be a wife again some day (just with a better other half/partner in the deal).

About a week ago, J and I were on the couch watching TV and a commercial come on (don't remember what it was for) and J made a comment about how expensive weddings are and he'd never spend all that money again on another wedding - the court house is good enough. I replied with a knee jerk reaction of, "Yeah, no kidding, totally a waste." [Sorry babe, I sorta lied.] I think the hopeless romantic deep down in me would like to make the next wedding special with a dress, flowers and a small group of close friends & family, but I've come to realize that maybe a big, lavish wedding isn't what I'd want to do again. I can't help it, just the way I'm wired....romantic, sappy & uber-girlie.

So, I want to apologize to all the ladies out there with wedding boards full of beautiful pins for that special day. Dare to dream! Dream big and I hope your beautiful day comes with all your "pins" realized! :)

Pinterest-mantics (Pinterest Romantics) Unite! 


But I'm still not creating a board for it.

XO,
T

Facial Hair & The "Dirty 30's"

After the response to my post from yesterday, I wanted to say thank you to everyone that commented and all the new readers (including J - he reads this now too). [Hi babe!] Thank you! I truly do enjoy writing and my life gives me plenty of material to write about. :)

In an effort to keep writing, I woke up this morning pondering my life and what could I write about and share. I'd like to add to the blog more often and I think starting a number of posts as soon as I have an idea and elaborating on them at different times might be a way to start. I can say, I know I don't have a shortage of ideas/material.

So, as I did the normal naked bathroom waltz before hopping in the shower....Ok, you know...stand in the mirror naked, turn the the right and suck your gut in, turn to the left and suck it in, maybe push it out just to get a giggle. Pull your face skin back and think "is this how I used to look?" and then scrunch it all up and think "is this how I'll look 10 years from now?" (You know EXACTLY what I'm talking about - don't act like you don't). Then you lean in nice and close to the mirror and look at your skin.  That's when the tweezers come out and all the stray hairs that you search out come under attack.  I digress...I'm in the bathroom with tweezers in hand and I think to myself, "Man, getting older kinda stinks. I mean, WTF is up with my face now growing hair!?! All over!! Effing hormones and getting old!" :| (<-- For future reference, this is my "I'm not impressed" face. I like it and I use it a lot).

But then another thought came to mind, I guess getting older isn't too bad. I mean, my 30's are FAR better than my 20's in so many ways. 1.) I'm much more confident in who I am as a woman than I was in my 20's. 2.) I've become a mother yet still get to have a career and now a new/fresh personal life.  3.) I have fewer friends than I did in my 20's, but my friends now are more genuine and like family in my 30's. You know the other part that ROCKS about my 30's?  The "Dirty 30's"! They aren't a myth!! It's pretty awesome and I'm starting to kinda dig it.  At first I thought something was wrong, but then I realized this was it - I had officially hit my dirty 30's (I'm 34 FYI). SWEET!

Shortly after that was another thought..."Damn! This is how men in their 20's must feel...daily! Hourly! Every dang minute! How do they get through a day without thinking about sex?!?" I guess that explains why many of the guys I knew in my 20's behaved the way they did. I get it now, sorry for judging you all. It's a wonder I can get through a day sometimes without just screaming, "I just need to get laid!!" I'm sure my co-workers are happy I don't, so I'll try to keep it under control or at least at home. [Lucky for you J!]

So here's to the "Dirty 30's" and all the other great things (not including the facial hair) that come with being in my 30's!

Cheers!
T

Dating 101 & Kissing Frogs

Let me start by saying, if anyone reading this is offended by the fact that I'm dating and not yet technically divorced, please put your blinders back on and stop reading now. No offense will be taken.

But, if you find humor in other peoples epicfails...keep on reading! ;)

First off, I never really dated, so this is my first voyage into that world. I met my ex in college when I was 18 (yup, 18 - epicfail #1). He was all of the things that were the opposite of what I thought people expected me to look for in a guy - so of course I was immediately smitten.  Well, smitten turned to love and love turned to marriage (for the sake of time, we won't rehash the rest from there, but as you know 14 years later it didn't turn out so great).

What I'm finding is that dating is interesting. It's interesting on a number of levels. I think the most interesting thing about it is how different it is in our 30's than it was in our 20's and the thing that makes it so different is technology. Anyone under the age of 28 reading this, I'm certain you can't relate, but when I was in my first year of college, we didn't have cell phones. GASP! There was no texting or even Facebook to keep in touch. We had to call a home phone, if that person wasn't there you had to leave a message either with a roommate or on an answering machine. You then more than likely had to wait ALL DAY for a return call.  It was just how it was and the crazy internal dialog didn't really happen because instant gratification of communication wasn't a "norm".

These days, if you send a text and you don't hear back within 15-20 minutes, panic ensues and the internal dialog goes something a bit like this:

"Did he get it?"

"Did I say something wrong?"

"Why isn't he answering me?"

"Maybe he seeing someone else!"

"Is he seeing someone else?"

"Is he avoiding me?"

"Did I do something wrong?"

"Am I too pushy?"

"Do I seem needy?"

...and so on and so on.

This internal dialog doesn't seem to go away. It becomes less intense as I've dated, but it's still there. Learning to accept that I'm AWESOME and someone will want to be with me is still something I'm working on and I'm getting better at it.**

When I made the decision to start dating I thought "How in the HELL am I supposed to meet anyone?!?! I don't go out, I'm a single full-time working mom." So, as many Americans are doing these days, I turned to online dating. It's not as bad as I thought it was going to be, but it has added to my 'Dating is Interesting' statement from earlier. It's fun, but exhausting. Very exhausting!

I was out to dinner with a friend from college recently and I explained online dating to her is like online shopping. You get to preview your purchases (aka: matches) before you buy (aka: start communicating). You get to try them out (aka: go on a date or two) before you decide to keep them (aka: start dating). If they pinch in the toe a bit (aka: are any of the following types of guys - see below), you send them back and try again!

In my experience so far, it's mostly been a long string of guys that earned themselves nicknames and taught me what I do/don't want. The reason for this is that there was just "something" about each one that sent up those red flags that I knew they weren't going to stick around for long. Here are some of the epicfails I've had since starting to date:

The "Fred Durst" Saint

The "I have 2 kids, but just found out about a set of twins I fathered" Guy

The Architect

The Do-gooder Superhero

The Tastebud Tester

The Tractor Wine Tasting Guy

The Liar

The Marine
The "I'm actually getting back together with my girlfriend 24 hours after telling you I want to get with you" Guy

The Hood River Creeper

There are a number of one-dater's in there that just didn't even get a chance to earn a nickname, they came and went just that quickly. I think you can now see how this can become exhausting. Each of these guys come with a great story of their own, but I'd be writing a book if I went into details on each one.

If there's a lesson to be learned from all of this...don't give up! You have to kiss a LOT of frogs ladies and gents. There are far more "nickname" types out there than keepers. But don't give up!  Learn and live through me for a while if you need to before you get out there and kiss those frogs, but get out there.  Life is too short to settle for being alone. We are all damaged/broken/scared in one way or another. We can either live in those fears and regrets or we can wipe the slate clean and find our happily ever after!

Cheers!

T

**I can happily report that I've met an AMAZING guy. J and I met online in early October and it's been wonderful! We're taking it slow and it's great. He's awesome and makes me smile daily! :D

Being Bigger is Exhausting!

Alright folks...get your minds out of the gutter! ;)

In life, I've generally always taken the high road, bit my tongue and been the bigger person. It's served me well.  I've felt that if you give someone enough rope, they'll hang themselves...no dirty work needed. ;) I usually feel better knowing that I didn't stoop to their level, simply let it go and let karma do the rest. But let me just say this, being the bigger person is utterly EXHAUSTING!

I was faced with this challenge yesterday and sadly, I let myself sink to that level. I was tired of not responding, I was tired of stuffing my feelings about the issue and I was certainly tired of eating my emotions (I've been doing extra running just to counter act the eating of my emotions lately). I have feelings, opinions and right to voice them - I wanted my feelings to be heard, although I'm sure they fell on deaf ears, but damn it felt good!!

The worst part of all of this is now the regret I feel for having let loose with the emotional tidal wave.  I should have kept my mouth shut. I don't know what ripple effect my wave caused on the other end, but I hope and pray it didn't seep out onto my son.  As I sit here riddled with guilt that I might have caused a backlash, I Googled some advice.  This what I found:

"If we are divorced with children, we will be in some sort of a relationship with our ex’s forever. To that end, we must do whatever we can to create a relationship that will nurture and support our children. We must learn to let go of grudges that get in the way of co-parenting. A toxic relationship leaks all over the place. Our children are incredibly perceptive. They know what is going on between the two of you even if you do your best to hide it. ...You may not see the rewards of your sacrifices today or even in the next few years but they will come sooner or later. Usually later. If you think that you have made some mistakes, clean up the mess. Let your kids know that you have learned a great deal and are the wiser for it today. They will come to know in their own time that life does not always go as planned and our experiences hold hidden treasures." 

Good advice, easier said than done.

So I made a mess yesterday with my emotional outburst. Now I have to clean this up, find a new common and civil ground and attempt to move forward again...as the bigger person. I just hope not literally a BIGGER person if I keep eating my emotions to remain the "bigger person."

It Takes A Village

Being a mom is hard. Being a married mom is hard. Being a stay at home mom is hard. Being a single, full-time employed, overachieving, type-A, socially active mom is downright the most difficult thing I’ve EVER done.

Some days I look at my life and I think, “how the HELL did I end up here and how the HELL am I going to do this on my own?!?” I had a very big wake-up call about my life last night when one of my BFF’s came over for dinner.

SIDE NOTE: X is THRILLED to be back in the house!! He wanted me to cover his eyes and surprise him with his room. He sat in there for the entire time dinner was being prepared playing with every single toy he could get his hands on! The look in his eyes (a cross between happiness to be home and sadness that it was just the two of us – no dad) was priceless, heartwarming and heartbreaking all at the same time.

As we finished preparing dinner, it was late and past X’s bed time. He went to his room to get his PJ’s on and the nightly battle over staying focused to get dressed began. Just as I was about to lose my cool, my friend jumped in and helped him focus and complete the task at hand…“get your damn PJ’s on!”

I realized at that moment how CRITICAL it is to have two actively involved adults/parents raising a child. I was overcome with emotion at how hard this has been and how much easier it would be if I had someone else helping.  I also realized how much help I really have at my fingertips, I just need to swallow my pride for a fricken minute and ask for it. I have some amazingly wonderful people in my life that are here for me and I need to get better at asking for it.

I want to put a shout out to my “Village”:

Thank you. 

Thank you for being there in a moment when you probably don’t even realize how much of a life saver you are being. 

Thank you for being there without a single question or hesitation. 

Thank you for loving my son and me unconditionally and looking past my assholeness at times. 

Thank you for being my rock to lean on when the path is too hard at times. 

Thank you!

Love,

T

10 Whole Days!

Five months ago, I was the stereotypical frazzled single mom that did everything, went everywhere, cleaned everything, cooked nothing (microwaved everything) and found very little time to myself. I wished many times that I could just have a few days to myself to do what I wanted to do, not be at the beck and call of my son (remember - I was married, sure, but still did it all alone). After my life changed, I experienced my first 3 days kid free. I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself. I had just moved into a condo and was all settled, so there I sat...on the couch staring at the TV (SpongeBob I'm quite certain since that's what I'm programmed to look for on TV these days) and thinking, "Is this REALLY the way I'm going to spend my kid free time?!?!"

Well, those days have long passed. I've found LOTS of ways to stay busy when X is with his dad. As I mentioned earlier, I've taken up running (again, more on that later), dating (yes, I said dating - pick your jaw up off the floor - a woman has needs) and spending time with my kid-less friends (love you!!) and co-workers (you guys rock!).  HOWEVER, this past Sunday marked the first of 10 days X will be with his dad for "vacation". TEN WHOLE DAYS!?! This is the longest I've been away from X since he was born (5 very quick years ago). Luckily I have another moving expedition to keep me busy!

I'm moving back into my house! So excited and overwhelmed all at the same time. For those of you that know me, I'm NOT a home remodel/repair/maintenance/fixer-upper kind of a gal. But desperate times call for desperate measures, so I'm rolling up my sleeves and digging in! I've been painting the house inside all new colors (to reflect the new leaf we'll be turning over living there) and evaluating the condo to sort out how to make this move happen as a one-woman show.  I think this picture reflects most clearly how I feel these days.

I owe my mom a HUGE THANK YOU as she's rolled up her sleeves as well and really helped me bust out this painting business. By the way - if anyone needs help painting anytime soon - please God don't ask me!! ;)

I'm aiming for getting the move completed by end of the day tomorrow and looking forward to settling in again and surprising X with the house when I pick him up from daycare. I hope he loves this surprise and is happy to back in his home!

With the move complete, I'm looking forward to spending some kid-less time over the weekend doing fun things like a date to the pumpkin patch, family visiting and getting back to running in preparation for the Turkey Trot!

Love!
T

Welcome to the new and improved blog!

I know many of you started following my blog a few months back, chronicling my trials and tribulations of being a married, single mom.  Ok, maybe "many" is an overstatement (I only have 1 official follower - "THANK YOU FOLLOWER!"), but I do know some of you have read and commented on my adventures and my mis-adventures.  I have missed writing about my life, but my life has changed dramatically and until I was back emotionally, I put my blog on hold. Guess what....

I'M BACK!! :)

You may wonder about my life...(if my new blog title isn't clue enough, please feel free to ask, I'm not shy about it, but I don't want to get into all the details)...let me just say, it's still amazing!  X keeps me on my toes more than ever before! I'm happy, confident, satisfied, loved, cherished, healthy (I have even taken up running...more on that later) and looking forward to what life has in store for me in the future.

So, let me welcome you to my new and improved blog. I hope you'll continue to read and follow along as I discover what its like to be single in my 30's, how to continue raising one of the most amazing boys on the planet and how to stay sane during all of it!

Cheers!

T